Sandalwood and Pancakes

I resisted the urge to lick my dry lips and to stuff my hands roughly into my pocket. The neatly pressed sheets and the intricately patterened golden bed post made for a posh like backdrop to her form. Slender hands lay almost dainty-like atop her lap— the image blurred my senses back to a sun filled apartment, the hazy scent of sandalwood and pancakes.

For a moment, I lingered.

The reverie, however, fell apart when the corner of her lips tugged down. She crossed her ankles and my gaze followed her lithe legs clad in opaque stockings, then to her flimsy cream robe.

“This isn’t a game. You need to leave.” 

Her demand sounded hollow to me and the lack of urgency in her tone stole my breath. I had pictured this moment to be filled with passion of the admonishing kind- I would plead until my knees ached, and somehow we would both give into the weight of it all. And yet none of my dramatic expectations had been met. I had gone over the possibilities and yet this wasn’t one of them. This wide space between us was never part of those damn ridiculious possibilities.

I looked to my shoes.

Resentment pricked at my mind and I bit back a mirthless chuckle— heavy and vile. I sighed before I spoke “No. I can’t leave.” Something flickered in her tired brown eyes as I swallowed the lump of nerves down my throat. My palms were moist with perspiration and the need to wipe them made my fingers twitch.

“Steven,” she called out. My chest ached but I couldn’t help but savor the way my name quietly slipped past her lips. I could already feel my resolve begin to melt as her eyes softened.

“I—” I paused to recollect the words in my mind. But the task proved difficult as her gaze did not falter. “I can get you away from all this. We can leave.” Her delicate eyebrows began to furrow, so my mouth moved faster. “And– an—just. I. You just gotta hear me out!” I ignored the desperation that had grown much too evident in my voice. It pained me to stare, her thin wrists, her collar bone jutted unhealthily under her skin, her makeup somewhat hid the gauntness of her cheeks and it was was all so damn unnatural, really.

Her gaze steeled and she stood, the swell of her hips more pronounced as she stepped towards me. “I’m here for a reason.” My mouth ran dry and she looked away.

One lone face, so vivid, stood in my mind. There was only one man this woman would break herself for.

I ignored the sudden weakness in my knees. “That much, huh? You love him this much.” I croaked.

There was a pregnant pause and my hands balled into fists. Until finally, I dared to peak at her clear face.

The tears and the solid determination in her eyes was enough for me to understand. 

I miss you

I miss waking up to you in the morning.

With our limbs tangled, our hair mused.

Chest to chest, spent, from the nights we’d pursued.

I miss the serenity of it all-

our fingers entwined- I was truly enthralled.

Some nights, we’d walk hours and hours with no sense of time to recall.

Now, those memories are grainy at most

But I hold on-

and it’s no boast.

Transience.

Stretches of comfortable silences

coupled with bouts of your crooked smiles brilliance. 

I couldn’t help but admire your resounding resilience. 

Fleeting

minutely wonderful

A partnership- a lasting friendship- I didn’t care to be careful.

Now, at times, ’What If’s’ are all I stifle.

This is the first poem that that had anything to do with love. and it's taken me years to be able to extract the feelings in my heart and to convey them in actual words. I normally have this sort of mental block that inhibits me from writing about this topic no matter the kind of relationship it's about, be it about loving my parents to being about a romantic relationship. It's just one of those things. So in a way I'm kind of happy that I was able to get this down.

Salutations everyone. My name is Ruth. It has come to my attention that the amount of time I spend on tumblr, daily, is utterly outrageous! In light of fasting my strange addiction to said website, I shall be starting anew with blogger.com. That is not to say that I'm going to stay away from tumblr forever, but rather, this will be a lot more intimate of a blog that will solely focus on my writing and life in general which could include fashion or thrift finds.

  I find that the my most intimate poems or thoughts get lost in the haze of the reblogging spell of: 'OMG, I love fooooood! REBLOG.' Or 'OMFG- legend of korra is out REBLOG.' or 'ryan gosling is a sexy ass mofo REBLOG!' 

I need time away from the instant reblog. I'd always wanted to seriously blog, I have a feeling that through this route, I'll be able to see the progress of my writing, fashion, or just me. Anyways, I hope that whomever does stumble upon this blog, will be able to find a kindred spirit in me.